Usapang Kulasa

 

Pagkatapos ng 3 taon after ako mag-graduate, ngayon na lang ulit ako napadaan sa may St. Scho dahil yung tita ko eh may kelangang idaan sa kumare niya na nakatira malapit dun. At wow! Ang ganda na ng Immaculate Concepcion! Yung dorm sa tapat ng school sosyal na! Mukha na talaga siyang dorm in fairness. Hehe. At yung Migui's dati sa baba nun eh Migui's Cafe na! Naka-aircon na din! Asenso! Samantalang dati di kumpleto ang breakfast, lunch, merienda at dinner nang hindi tumatagaktak ang pawis mo. Pero oks lang kasi masarap talaga sila magluto. Walang sinabi yung mga pagkain sa canteen. Wala na yung maliit na powder-type xerox stall sa tabi ng Migui's dati kundi napalitan na ng malaking Mini Stop.

Renovated na din yung facade ng St. Scho, at alam ko marami na din pati sa loob. Balita ko wala ng Pergola, yung tamabayan ng prep, grade/high school at college students pag naghihintay ng oras, teacher/professor, classmate/s o sundo. Nye. Corny na. Pano kasi pag sinabi mong Pergola alam at maiisip mo agad ang St. Scho. Associated na ba. Vintage yung mga green benches dun. Kopong kopong pa ata yung mga yun. Astig daw yung sa Mass Comm Department. Ewan ko kung anong hitsura pero sobrang ganda na daw ng mga facilities pati na din nung building. Kahit na, dami pa ding mumu dun. Unless ilaga nila sa holy water yung building o yung school mismo. Hehe. Balita ko si Carbon na din daw ang head sa Student Affairs Office o SAO. No comment.

Sa Estrada at Vito Cruz dami na din bagong buildings, pati yung mga streets sa likod ng school na hindi ko alam dami na ding establishments. Pero sobrang panalo sa lahat yung Providence. Buhay pa hanggang ngayon. Halos alam yun ng lahat. Pano mura videoke. Hehe. Noon hanggang ngayon 5 pesos kada kanta pa din ata dun. Sunog baga mo kahit di ka nagyoyosi. Dati iba-iba ang crowd. Ngayon parang iisa na lang. Exclusive. Culture shock sayo pag di ka sanay.

Tahimik tsaka malinis kasi Linggo at bakasyon. Pero pag may pasok, umpisa nanaman ang mga papampam ng Benilde. Lupit ng mga tsikot nila. Nakakita ako dati ng Mini Cooper dun na nakapark sa labas. Sarap i-carnap. Hehe. At yung bass nila, potah. Yanig ang St. Scho. Grabe. Eto lang, di nauubusan ng mga gwapong tambay sa tapat. Busog mata mo. At kung suswertehin may magpapakilala. "God bless Benilde!" sabi nga ni Yannie, yung dati kong kikay na blockmate. Amen ako diyan!

Friday Scribbles

 

I woke up today having a hoarse voice after a night of belting along to my newly purchased CD of tearjerking love songs, which resulted from an eye-opening session of romantic counsels. What struck me the most was George Michael's "Kissing A Fool." Hmm, I wonder why. Haha. Of course, I know exactly why. Played and listened to it for a gazillion times. It was my first encounter of the ballad though, and it was captivatingly beautiful.

I feel funny. Not funny hilarious but funny pathetic. I recently have this habit of blogging, editing it momentarily, trashing it days later, and then saving it to My Documents for my own personal reading consumption. Sometimes with the absence of the latter. For quite some time, the spur of emotional instability has led me focused on a certain someone and something rather than write an array of issues worthy of the public's time and attention. There's absolutely nothing wrong in letting the whole world know a part of you, especially if you want to reach out to someone, if you want to be read by someone and then eagerly hope for a reaction, and most especially if you want to address some sweet or bittersweet concerns, of which you have carefully thought of and of which you can't just randomly utter, to someone. I believe we are all guilty of this. That no matter how you craftily, poetically, or anonymously guise the pieces, the subject at hand, having read, somehow would still know because that's what you've intended to achieve in the first place. However, a certain annoyance creeps into me whenever I peruse through my past blogs, of which many a topic would be the seed of my emotional outbursts. The sight and thought of reliving once upon a time was not a fairy tale after all. Not even slightly close to what I had dreamed, hoped, prayed, and wished for. Uh-uh. In many aspects, the results of my actions didn’t turn out the way I had intended them to be. I was always, always at the losing end. No happily ever after. Eventually, I just have the same gut inclination to delete an entry as I have the excitement and anticipation to compose one. Thus, the birth of blogging-editing-trashing-(saving). I’m such a geeky loser.

For the nth time, I want to be positive, cheerful, and, something new, sickeningly kind. Everything I’m not. I’m so pessimistic in life that you just want to wish me dead. Well, I wish, too. Maybe I’m just apprehensive of a lot of things: trudging the unknown, falling many times, overcoming defeat, surviving failure – all of which are inevitable and necessary. Perhaps if I weren’t brought up in a sequestered, conventional, reserved, and overprotective environment, I wouldn’t be as such. Maybe. In addition, I yearn to be cheerful. Just happy, giddy, lively, fun. Very much so when Kim (Cameron Diaz) met George (Rupert Everett) for the very first time in a cathedral in “My Best Friend’s Wedding.” That kind of cheerfulness. Well, I thought I was with my naïve and puerile nature…or so I thought. Me and my petty assumptions. But out of the three, the latter appeals to me the most. Sickeningly kind. So sickening that it makes you sick with guilt. That whatever harm you do to me, intentional or unintentional, no amount of rage will ever consume me. Not even a trace of nuisance. No matter how you take me for granted, I will still carry a carefree and nonchalant smile just to parallel your baffling indifference. You’ll be so eaten up with guilt that you will be the one saying innumerable sorrys and thank yous to me, even for no apparent reason. I remember one of Jesus’ sagely quotes, “You have heard that it was said, ‘An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth.’ But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also.” Kindness, meekness, and humbleness at its best. Yeah, maybe I’ll turn to you the other cheek…of my ass. Haha.